A hard truth I’ve had to learn as a photographer-
My clients absolutely do not feel the same way about me as I do about them.
And how could they, really?
They don’t see me the way I see them.
They don’t spend hours before the shoot compiling the best poses with them in my mind. Multiple nights lying awake thinking about the things they said about how they want to be seen and trying to figure out how best to bring that out in a photograph.
During the shoot I get to witness all these different microscopic facets of them opening up before my lens. The way their face changes the tiniest bit when they actually feel their own hand tracing the contours of their body, maybe for the first time. In the space of song verse that quiet darkness we all hide is allowed to be seen. The laughter, the release, the letting go when they feel safe expressing themselves. Vulnerable and moving and emoting, I admire and venerate all of it.
Then afterwards, days are spent editing the most minute details of their bodies. Details no one, not even their lovers have paid that much attention to. By the time I’ve delivered the images I am intimately acquainted with every nook and cranny. I have sat there staring at image after image of their surgery scar wondering how they got that and if it hurt. Editing out that one pesky chin hair that they either forgot to shave or didn’t even know was there. The pimple that sprung out of nowhere. The chipped polish on their big toe. (don’t worry, I’ve got it all covered). I see the remnants of self harming on their upper thigh. I see the stretch marks. I see the smile wrinkles around their eyes. I see the map of a life in each body and the stories it tells.
I see them. Both soul and body.
And that is why I fall in love with every person I photograph.
How could I not?
And that brings me to Jorge.
The first time I met him I was minding my business flinging t-shirts into bins backstage. He talked to me, not too many people do. (This is half my fault; I have very high social anxiety and avoid meeting new people. I’m working on it, sort of. Sometimes.)
You know when someone talks to you and they ask you questions and actually want to hear the answer? Well Jorge is one of those people.
Eventually Jorge found out about my photography and said he wanted to work with me. I said “great let’s talk” and sent him my rate. This is the part where I usually hear crickets.
I don’t know if it’s because I work in show business and these people expect to get things for free (ummm you’re artists. Pay for art.) or if they are the most insecure group of people on the planet despite being in top form but I just cannot for the life of me seem to get many bookings while out on tour. (On second thought it’s probably me as a person, I don’t know. I can be…blunt.)
I never follow up because I don’t ever want to make someone feel like they must do a shoot with me if they aren’t ready, either financially or emotionally. I’m a horrible businesswoman (but hey I’ve got a day job so I can afford to be).
To my surprise Jorge followed up.
And we did a shoot that was both sexy and emotive and a perfect snapshot of exactly where Jorge is right now in his life- at a crossroads.
You know those times when you’re balancing between who you want to be and who are/used to be? You’re straddling two worlds and you just need to choose which direction to go in. Whether it’s bad habits versus good, or you’re going through big life changes, whatever it is, you know what I’m talking about. We all go through it; it’s an important part of life.
And it is so incredibly powerful, the in-between.
Honor that liminal space.
I am here to help you preserve it forever, a snapshot in time.
And maybe, just maybe, the work we do together is more than just pretty pictures. Maybe it helps you see yourself more clearly.
Maybe you’ll see yourself like I see you.
With love.
You can move mountains with love. You can change the world with love.
But you don’t need to do all that.
You just need to love yourself.
Because when you love yourself, you listen to your inner voice.
And suddenly the answers you’ve been searching for become visible.
And you choose a path.
But here’s the most important part-
There is no right or wrong path. There are only lessons to be learned.
It’s all part of the dance.
